In this issue:
3 Big Stories
WarnerMedia merges with Discovery
U.S. proposes global minimum corporate tax
TikTok CEO quits
Interview - 3 Questions with John Stankey
3 Things To Look For Next Week
3 Big Stories
WarnerMedia merges with Discovery
Like a call over AT&T’s cell service, WarnerMedia has been unceremoniously dropped. The telco giant has spun off the content producer into a new company that combines WarnerMedia’s assets with Discovery’s. The merger provides the as yet unnamed new company with the scale to compete in streaming and presents many new cross-over possibilities. So get ready for Batman and Superman to start hosting Property Brothers.
AT&T’s decision to spin off WarnerMedia just 3 years after acquiring it is viewed as a tacit admission that promised vertical integration synergies never materialized. Despite this high profile failure, the executives behind the deal have been rewarded with multi-million dollar packages because they are white and male and therefore always know what they’re doing.
WarnerMedia combining with Discovery means that rival NBCUniversal suddenly looks sub-scale. NBCU rejected the notion that they’re sub-scale by touting their robust content offering of The Office, WWE and SNL episodes from 1981. NBCU also promised to aggressively invest in content by announcing a new series in which characters from The Office wrestle each other WWE style on the SNL stage. A spokesperson for NBCU said “HBO Max has Godzilla vs. Kong but Peacock has Jim vs. Dwight in a cage match from Studio 8H”.
U.S. proposes global minimum corporate tax
The U.S. Treasury Department is advocating a 15% global minimum corporation tax in order to avoid a race to the bottom. According to the Treasury, the 15% minimum is a “floor and that discussions should continue to be ambitious and push that rate higher.”
Reactions from around the country and around the world varied:
Italy: in favor - they know they won’t pay tax no matter what the rate is
Russia: in favor - higher taxation is needed to fund Putin’s 16th home
Kentucky: against - taxation is theft
Texas: against - taxation is a Democratic tool to increase illegal immigration
TikTok CEO to step down by year’s end
Zhang Yiming - TikTok’s founder and CEO - has announced that he will step down from his role by the end of the year.
Given the company’s ties to the Chinese government, the next CEO is expected to be Xi Jinping. The role was initially offered to Mao Zedong, who declined because he’s still resting in Tiananmen Square.
Interview: 3 Questions with John Stankey
Q: Congratulations on your deal to spin-off WarnerMedia. What comes next?
JS: Thank you. I’m feeling invincible right now. I engineered the deals to buy DirecTV and WarnerMedia, destroyed value, sold these assets, and got money for my efforts. I’m telling you: there’s nothing I can’t do. I think I’ll go buy Wyoming next and then try to broker a peace deal between Israelis and Palestinians. If they can’t agree on hummus and 5G they can agree that I’m the king of the universe.
Q: What are your plans for AT&T’s 5G rollout?
JS: We are going to put a 5G mast on every street corner in America to ensure that we have maximum coverage and the fastest speeds. Anyone who doesn’t subscribe to AT&T and HBO Max will be subject to the 5G rays that cause cancer. Jason Kilar will be in our cross-hairs if he subscribes to AT&T and HBO Max or not.
Q: You hired Kilar to run WarnerMedia and then less than a year later you were plotting to oust him - what does that say about your leadership?
JS: There’s one thing you need to know about me - and about Jason Kilar for that matter - and that is: white men don’t make mistakes. That’s why I’ve never believed the expression “it’s lonely at the top”. How can it be lonely when I have so many Benjamins to sing me to sleep no matter how many jobs I cut?
3 Things To Look For Next Week
David Zaslav announces that the WarnerMedia-Discovery tie-up will be known as WMD
Frustrated Dogecoin traders start a rival cryptocurrency called Catcoin: Feline Fun
Congressional Republicans try to impeach Kamala Harris for not being a white male