Bitcoin, Disney and Yang plunge
Tweets can move markets but not voters
In this issue:
3 Big Stories
Tesla won’t accept Bitcoin
Disney earnings underwhelm
Amazon unveils revamped Echo Buds earphones
Interview - 3 Questions with Andrew Yang
3 Things To Look For Next Week
3 Big Stories
Tesla will no longer accept Bitcoin
Musk cited the energy intensity of Bitcoin mining as a factor in his decision. This is noble but ignores the fact that Americans paying attention to Musk’s antics is a far bigger waste of energy than Bitcoin mining could ever be.
Musk’s tweet triggered a 10% drop in the value of Bitcoin - which led to a 25% drop in the self-esteem of Bitcoin bros.
Disney Q2 earnings underwhelm
Disney’s Q2 earnings revealed lower than expected revenue and subscriber counts for Disney+ despite EPS crushing estimates ($0.79 actual vs. $0.27 expected)
Disney+ was expected to hit 109 million subscribers but actually recorded 104 million. Underwhelming subscriber volume makes Disney the Trump of the streaming world.
Meanwhile, Disney’s parks’ revenue fell 44% to $3.2 billion as many of its parks were closed. However, as the pandemic recedes, the parks division is expected to rebound. In fact, the company has been fielding employment requests from Rudy Giuliani who wants to work at Disneyland in a Mickey costume.
Said Disney CEO Bob Chapek, “Rudy is known to be a rat, so I’m not sure he will fit into a mouse costume. But it does help him hide from the FBI, so I’m sure we can work out a deal here which could bode well for our company when Don Jr becomes President”
Amazon’s new Echo Buds retailing for $119+
Amazon unveiled the second generation of their AirPods competitor - Echo Buds - which offer better noise cancellation and sound than the first generation.
Most notably, the Echo Buds pricing starts at $119, which is cheaper than the AirPods which start at $159. This is surprising because Amazon’s sweatshops are located in the U.S. whereas Apple’s sweatshops are located in China.
The new Echo Buds model is 20% smaller than the first generation, with space savings coming from Amazon employing shorter people with smaller hands. Amazon isn’t against tall people per se, but they wanted to hire shorter people who can empty their smaller bladders into cups more quickly, thereby boosting productivity.
The Echo Buds stand out for their noise cancelation capabilities. Echo Buds wearers are guaranteed to not hear Jeff Bezos’ chopper land on the helipad on his support yacht. You know the rich are also feeling the pain from the pandemic when their support yacht has a helipad, but their main yacht does not.
Interview: 3 Questions with Andrew Yang
Q: You’re facing heat for your insensitive tweet about Israel-Palestine. What have you learnt since posting that tweet?
AY: I’ve learnt that playing into the ‘Asian people are good at math’ stereotype has its limitations. My tweet was just like my political career - devoid of a well-thought out point of view. I just calculated that there are more pro-Israel voters in NYC than there are pro-Palestinian voters. But I didn’t calculate that non-NYC voters are on Twitter too. Math is hard!
Q: Do you think this tweet harms your chances in the NYC mayor’s race?
AY: I really don’t know. I don’t know much about New York City. I haven’t lived here for a long time. I’m running because I’m bored and because my wife liked how much I was out of the house during the 2020 Presidential campaign. To save my marriage, I decided to run for office every year so that I’m out of the house often enough. Once I lose the NYC mayor race, I’ll run for Congress in 2022, UN Secretary General in 2023 and Supreme Court in 2024.
Q: You do realize that you can’t campaign for a Supreme Court seat don’t you?
AY: Don’t be ridiculous. This is America - anything is possible. It’s a place where minorities can reach highest office. I’m confident that with my name recognition, my pecs’ name recognition (they’re called Rex and Lex) and enough money to throw at the problem, we can buy - I mean win - a Supreme Court seat. Hey Heritage Foundation and The Federalist - holla at yo boy Andrew Yang!
3 Things To Look For Next Week
Because she’s known for presiding over a toxic workplace, Ellen DeGeneres gets a job on Wall Street
In response to the CDC saying wearing masks are no longer necessary, Tucker Carlson recommends wearing Klan hoods
HBO Max previews the Friends reunion, proving the show still isn’t funny