Jeff Bezos Wins Again
What's Good For Corporations Is Good For America (apparently)
In this issue:
3 Big Stories:
Amazon Thwarts Unionization
Corporate America Opposes Biden Tax Hike
U.S. Job Growth Booming
CEO Interview: 3 Questions with Amazon’s Jeff Bezos
3 Things To Look For Next Week
3 Big Stories
Amazon Defeats Unionization In Alabama
CATEGORY: LABORAmazon has won the vote against unionization at a fulfillment center in Bessemer, Alabama. Most New Yorkers hope that the next time that Alabamians vote on a union, it’s to leave the United States. Amazon employees who voted in favor of a union may leave America to join a sweatshop in China, citing better working conditions.
There were hundreds of contested ballots, most of which were challenged by Amazon because callous billionaires moaning about unfavorable votes has become an American tradition.
The vote caps months of campaigning - both by Amazon and union reps. Amazon’s anti-labor campaign entailed a website, flyers, text messages and mandatory meetings. The campaign was funded by all the money Amazon doesn’t pay in taxes.
Corporate America Opposes Biden’s Tax Hikes Because Ayn Rand Told Them To
CATEGORY: PUBLIC POLICYInfluential business groups such as the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and Business Roundtable oppose raising corporate taxes in order to help pay for President Biden’s proposed $2 trillion infrastructure bill.
The U.S. corporate tax rate was last changed after the 2017 Tax Cut and Jobs Act, when it was lowered from 35% to 21%. Big Business claims that raising the tax rate to 28% as Biden has proposed would crush American competitiveness. Which is ironic since many firms in the Business Roundtable don’t pay taxes either way.
Executives object to the social programs included in Biden’s infrastructure bill. Since no American can become an executive without reading Ayn Rand, CEOs are convinced that social programs are a waste of money. Unless those social programs take the form of tax breaks for their company.
"It’s unfair to ask me to pay for better roads and bridges when I commute by helicopter”* - Fortune 500 CEO
*not an actual quote
To be fair to corporations, it’s hard to get CEOs to understand that Biden’s infrastructure bill will benefit their employees when most executives plan to replace their non-secretary staff with robots over the next 5 years.
Business executives also cited the lack of bipartisan support for this bill. Senate Republicans are in favor of a smaller, more targeted infrastructure bill: around $680 billion instead which is also the amount needed to upgrade private jet terminals across the country.
U.S. Job Growth Booming: More Americans Return To Being Owned By Corporations
CATEGORY: JOBSU.S. firms are adding jobs: almost a million Americans were hired in March and job postings have risen to above pre-pandemic levels on career site Indeed. Since a job is how most Americans get healthcare, this hiring surge is expected to boost recruitment at health insurance companies, thereby creating a virtuous cycle of employment expansion.
Most of the job growth can be found in the construction, manufacturing, warehousing and pharmacy sectors. Growth in warehousing benefits Amazon. Growth in warehouses that do not have bathrooms benefits Amazon more. Amazon’s reluctance to build warehouses with bathrooms hurts Republican Senators ability to pass bathroom bills.
As ecommerce continues to grow, the logistics industry could add ~4.5 million jobs over the next 5 years. It’s unclear if this really means 4.5 million jobs or if it means that Amazon employs 1 million people and gets them to work 4.5 shifts each day.
CEO Interview: 3 Questions with Amazon’s Jeff Bezos
(satire)
Q: Do you recognize that if Amazon provided suitable working conditions, employees wouldn’t feel the need to unionize?
JB: We already do provide suitable working conditions, which is why this effort to unionize in Alabama has been defeated. The cups that our employees pee in are 100% biodegradable, Amazon-branded and given to our employees for free. Why do you think our logo is orange/yellow? And more broadly, we removed bathrooms from our warehouses in order to prevent the spread of disease and infections.
Q: Do you not see the irony of you owning mega mansions with 10 bathrooms and your employees not having any bathrooms in their place of work?
JB: Irony to me is like taxation and marital fidelity - I just don’t do it.
Q: If Amazon is such a great employer as you say it is, what are your plans to further enhance employee welfare?
JB: Great question - we’ve got several things planned for our employees. In order to foster better employee bonding and business efficiency, we’re going to ask employees to form a human centipede. Also, to improve health & safety and promote a more uniform look, we’re going to get all of our employees to shave their heads. This way they’ll look like me and think that one day they too can become CEO of Amazon.
3 Things To Look For Next Week
Goldman Sachs reports Q1 earnings and reveals how much profitability can be gained from ruining analysts’ lives
Piers Morgan will defend Matt Gaetz on Tucker Carlson Today saying that Gaetz was behaving regally by emulating the behavior of Prince Andrew
Andrew Yang drops out of the race for NYC mayor in order to form an NFT company
Have a good weekend. Until next Friday…
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