In this issue:
Elon Musk calls for Disney to fire Bob Iger
Spotify CFO departs
Amazon offers grocery subscription for Prime members
Interview with Bill Ackman
Elon Musk calls for Disney to fire Bob Iger
Chief Twit and answer to the question “what is a dumb person’s idea of a smart person?” Elon Musk tweeted that Disney CEO Bob Iger should be fired.
He added: “Walt Disney is turning in his grave over what Bob has done to his company.”
In response, Disney had Buzz Lightyear issue a statement which said:
“I am Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. I travel across the universe to purge the galaxies of the evil Emperor Zurg in any spacecraft not made by SpaceX. Elon Musk makes the worst spacecraft. He has the engineering skill of a meth-addicted squirrel.
SpaceX offers no traction control and the toilets don’t flush properly. My buddy Woody’s stirrups have more impressive technology than anything built by SpaceX. In fact, my friend Rex the dinosaur knows more about space than Elon Musk and his arms are too short to pick up a screwdriver.
Space Rangers who want to fight Zurg fly Blue Origin. Use promo code “Buzz” and get 10% of your next ride into space with Blue Origin.”
Musk was upset that Disney continues to advertise on Facebook and Instagram despite allegations that those platforms enabled child sexual abuse and trafficking.
Musk has renamed the Facebook and Instagram apps in his phone as “Jeffrey” and “Epstein” respectively.
Twitter CEO Linda Yaccarino has drawn up a list of CEOs that Musk should call to be fired. Notably absent from this list: Linda Yaccarino.
Spotify CFO departs
Days after cutting 17% of its workforce, Spotify announced the departure of its CFO in March 2024.
Chief Financial Officer since 2020, Paul Vogel will depart after a period in which Spotify expanded into podcasting and audiobooks.
Spotify’s headcount reduction impacts 1,500 people, most of whom were hired to listen to Meghan Markle moan about her now canceled Spotify-exclusive podcast not giving her enough privacy.
Other complaints from Meghan Markle that the now terminated Spotify employees had to listen to include:
Spotify’s logo is racist for only being one color
Amal Clooney doesn’t return her calls despite all that Meghan has done to boost her profile
The plight of Gazans is almost as bad as how The Daily Mail treated her
The UN didn’t accept her offer of being a peacemaker in the Middle East
Taylor Swift didn’t thank her for paving the way for her to win Time person of the year
Amazon offers grocery subscription for Prime members
Amazon is piloting a new grocery subscription for members of its Prime program, marking the latest recalibration of its online supermarket offerings.
The service is being offered for $9.99/month for the basic tier or $14.99 per month for the mid-level tier which guarantees delivery drivers won’t pee in cups en route to your home. The premium tier is $19.99/month and helps to pay for Jeff Bezos’ divorce but comes with a free t-shirt.
In select cities, Amazon may offer same day shipping. Not to be confused with Taco Bell which offers same day shitting.
Interview: Bill Ackman
FB: You’ve alleged - without evidence - that Harvard president Claudine Gay was a diversity hire. Has that always been your view or was your Patagonia vest too tight today?
BA: I truly believe it. Harvard should be hiring the best candidate for the job. As a proud Harvard alum and donor, I believe the Harvard president shouldn’t be a diversity hire but instead should be someone who is there on merit. Someone like Jared Kushner for example.
FB: Don’t you think such comments minimize the experiences and insights of Black people and women in America?
BA: Not at all. Some Blacks may claim racism happens on campus from time to time but they need to look beyond themselves. When did Black people ever undergo centuries long oppression and persecution? I rest my case.
FB: So how do you think the position of Harvard president should be awarded?
BA: Strictly through a meritocracy. This is America - the most meritocratic society in human history. I’m living proof that the American Dream exists. My grandfather founded the Ackman-Ziff Real Estate Group with his brother. They single handedly built the mortgage industry in this country and turned over a buck or two. There were no mortgages in this country before my grandfather. Can you believe that?
Eventually my dad, Larry Ackman, took over the company and built on his father’s sucess after graduating Brown for undergrad and HBS for postgrad.
Now look at me. I’ve surpassed them all. I came from nothing and went to Harvard College and Harvard Business School. And did I take over the family business? No sir!
I’m pretty sure I’m the inspiration behind the Drake song “Started from the bottom”, because I started from the bottom and now I’m here! I can’t think of anyone else who that could be about.
Instead of taking the easy route and joining my father’s firm, I started my own company: Pershing Square Capital Management. I built it from nothing to the behemoth it is today with over $19 billion assets under management. That’s nothing but hard work and the American Dream.
I’ve never had an advantage. If I can do it, why can’t Blacks or gays or anyone else?
FB: You’ve decried the fact that those who question diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) efforts are sometimes called racist. But you’re questioning DEI efforts. Can you prove that you’re not a racist?
BA: Of course I can. How can I be racist when I’m part of the most oppressed demographic in America today: straight white men.
Case in point: Tucker Carlson’s show got canceled on Fox. That was not a foxy move.
Another example: Henry Kissinger died last week. How ridiculous. Another example: David Beckham was forced to retire from soccer 10 years ago. Need I go on?
Sure - I’ll go on. Daniel Craig is no longer James Bond. Leonardo diCaprio has never been married for Pete’s sake! Prince Harry was kicked out of England. Tom Cruise is a Scientologist. Abraham Lincoln was shot in the head.
The list is endless! Being a white man has always been hard.
Sting is so oppressed we don’t even know his real name! We know the name of Roxanne, but Sting has to hide behind a stage name because of the racism that white men face. So please do your research before asking such dumb questions.
There’s so much oppression of white men on a daily basis that goes unnoticed because we don’t complain. We just get on with it.
FB: You clearly feel very strongly about this topic and you’ve signed The Giving Pledge to give away at least half of your wealth to charitable causes. What causes are you focused on?
BA: I’m so glad you asked. There are many charitable causes near to my heart.
I’m a proud patron of the Yacht Owners Club of the Upper East Side. It’s a wonderful little non-profit that helps support down on their luck yacht owners like Jared Kushner with training in how to appear more human in public.
Also, we have a huge homeless problem in New York City. We need to solve this. In the past I donated huge sums to Harvard so that the homeless of New York can have something to aspire towards.
But the way Harvard has responded to the war in the Middle East has been very disappointing, so I’ve diverted all my Harvard donations to the IDF morale budget.
Finally, I donated a substantial sum to my pal Jeff Bezos’ girlfriend Lauren Sanchez so that she can get the cosmetic surgery Jeff wants for his birthday.
Thank you for asking. I’m very passionate about these causes.
3 Things To Look For Next Week
Trump claims that Santa Claus is based on him
Joe Biden admits to personally signing 10% of the bombs Israel is dropping on Gaza
Nikki Haley is sued by a coconut for copyright infringement