U.S. & UK bomb homeless camp in front of New York, London Stock Exchanges
In a groundbreaking move and co-ordinated move at 7pm EST/12a GMT, the U.S. and UK bombed the homeless population in front of the New York Stock Exchange and London Stock Exchange respectively.
A joint statement from the U.S. Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin and UK Minister of Defence, Grant Shapps read:
“Bombing Houthi rebels in Yemen demonstrates how firm our commitment is to commerce. It is unacceptable for global commercial interests to be harmed by the Houthis. As the guardians of human rights, capitalism and democracy we have a moral obligation to use our immense firepower to demonstrate the return on investment in defense.
Therefore, we have conducted surgical strikes against those opposed to commercial interests in the crucibles of global capitalism: London and New York City. This sends a clear message to anyone who dares to interfere with how global commerce is conducted.
Those who interfere with traders’ routes to the Stock Exchange - whether this interference is physical by blocking paths to NYSE/LSE or visual by providing something unpleasant for traders to look at - will face the consequences of their evil actions. Let this be a warning to tourists in Times Square: congregating outside the NASDAQ could prove to be your last act.
We are confident that our actions help demonstrate that defense has a stronger ROI than investments in domestic programs. Especially, because its hard to generate a return on investment on social programs when those who need such programs have been terminated by our compassionate and thoughtful airstrikes”
Wall Street leaders thanked the proactivity from Secretary Austin and promised him a Board seat on Lockheed Martin once he leaves public service.
More Indians Set To Become Affluent
Rising disposable incomes are set to power consumption in India, providing a boost to the country’s consumer good sector as the world’s most populous nation transitions its economy from B2B-led to B2C-led.
A Goldman Sachs reports estimates 100 million Indians will become affluent - defined as earning at least $10,000 per year - by 2027.
Rising incomes and consumption in India is expected to give rise to the stadium wedding as India’s burgeoning middle class don’t consider a marriage event a wedding unless they are surrounded by 40,000 of their closest friends.
Bigger weddings will also mean greater gold purchases as every groom will be expected to wear a gold shirt at his wedding:
Buoyed by their new wealth, Indians are expected to spend more time and money on leisurely pursuits such that cricket games will expand from 5 to 10 days.
Interview: Tim Cook
FB: Congrats on the new Vision Pro headset, launching Feb 2. Is this Apple’s most meaningful product ever?
TC: It just may be. This is how we launch spatial computing and seamlessly blend digital content why physical space.
FB: Are you worried about sales since you’re selling the headset for $3,500?
TC: Not remotely. We are going where demand takes us. Rampant inequality dictates that in order to maintain our fat margins and robust sales, we must ignore the masses and target the mega-rich with fancy new toys. It’s simple economics. We’re just taking the LVMH playbook and applying it to tech.
For now we are focusing on early adopters and over time I expect us to cross the chasm and enjoy widespread adoption.
FB: Is your long term goal is for this product to be as widely adopted as the iPhone?
TC: Of course. It will take time but eventually we will need mass adoption of this product. In fact, its a product that is better suited to the poors because donning a headset helps them ignore and dare I say escape their miserable realities. We don’t need to worry about inequality-induced violent uprisings if the masses are watching Netflix on a Vision Pro headset.
In this way, the Vision Pro is set to save humanity by preserving our existing power structures. You’re welcome America.
FB: You’re describing a pretty dysopian view of the world. Surely Apple could help elevate the human condition by paying taxes instead?
TC: Apple is proud to be an American enterprise and we pay all taxes owed to state and federal governments. But we also pay a hidden tax which is sharing this world with nitwits who insist we haven’t paid our fair share of taxes.
It is truly taxing to engage with dopey bureaucrats in Washington and Brussels who insist Apple pay more in tax.
3 Things To Look For This Week
All global problems are solved thanks to WEF Summit in Davos
Trump laments how diverse New Hampshire is in his victory speech
IDF invades Palestine, Texas with Joe Biden’s support