Tech gets fashionable, defensive
And also gets acquisitive
In this issue:
3 Big Stories
Amazon launches a clothing store
Airlines push back against 5G
Tech CEOs speed dial Senators
Interview - 3 Questions with Satya Nadella
3 Things To Look For Next Week
3 Big Stories
Amazon launches a clothing store
Amazon is launching an apparel store, called Amazon Sweatshop Style, with its first location opening in LA suburb Glendale later this year. The move places the firm in direct competition with the likes of H&M and Zara.
The tech giant is expected to be a significant force in the industry because they can out-sweatshop the competition. Said an Amazon spokesperson: “Nobody can match the scale of Amazon to underpay labor and squeeze suppliers”.
Amazon is particularly keen to promote its unique selling point: all clothes sold by Amazon come with a built-in catheter to support people whose employers don’t support bathroom breaks.
Airlines push back against 5G
Wireless carriers and telco regulators are pushing back, arguing that the highly concentrated nature of the U.S. airline industry means that airlines gave up on passenger satisfaction and safety long ago.
International airlines have noted that Europe rolled out 5G without any impact on aviation. Technically, this is because European 5G operates at 3.4-3.8 GHz range of spectrum vs. 3.7-4.0 GHz in the U.S.
However, European aviation experts have suggested the controversy over 5G in the U.S. is because Americans are now pre-disposed to conflict after years of being poisoned by cable news.
Tech CEOs speed dial Senators
The American Innovation and Choice Act is a bipartisan bill that aims to prohibit the likes of Google, Facebook and Meta from advantaging their own “products, services, or lines of business” over the competition.
Bill sponsors - Senators Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) and Chuck Grassley (R-IA) - are delighted with the outreach from tech giants as it allows to them create a bidding war for the inevitable post-Senate corporate board positions they aiming for.
Although the country feels very divided, Americans can take comfort from knowing that Senators leveraging public office for personal enrichment is something that there is still bipartisan consensus on.
Interview: 3 Questions with Satya Nadella
Q: What compelled Microsoft to buy video game publisher Activision for $69 billion?
SN: Activision owns Candy Crush. I love that game but I’ve never gotten the highest score despite playing it under the table in so many Board meetings. If Republicans can rig elections, why I can’t I rig the Candy Crush leaderboard with a bit of M&A activity?
Q: Whoa - you spent $69 billion *in cash* to acquire a company just so that you can get the highest score?
SN: Yeah - I don’t see a problem with this and neither do shareholders. You’re forgetting that my predecessor was Steve Ballmer. Even if I didn’t show up to work for the next 3 years, I still wouldn’t do worse than that sack of potatoes. The share price was so low during his tenure, its like he sat on it.
Q: Given that the FTC scrutinizing tech mergers, are you concerned this acquisition won’t pass regulatory review?
SN: No, I’m not worried at all. We’re leveraging the power of Bing to promote news stories about Facebook, Google and Amazon being anti-competitive. It’s our way of reminding Americans that Bing still exists.
3 Things To Look For Next Week
GE tries to remind America of their existence by hosting an earnings call
Putin tries to frame his decision to invade Ukraine as a boost to the local economy by saying “unlike the U.S., at least my invasions are local”
Martin Scorsese announces a movie about the Djokovic-Australian Open drama called “The Deported”
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this newsletter, please consider forwarding/sharing with your network.